I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
