I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
