dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
