my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
