not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
