I need help removing her.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
