I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
