I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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