I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
