im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I forget how to act sober
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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