I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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