I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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