Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize