Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
