she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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