He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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