How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
