I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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