Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
