Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
