I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
