The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
