are you still at the devil's house?
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize