Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
