are you still at the devil's house?
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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