So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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