I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
