So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
