turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
