Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
