I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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