Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
