i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
