it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
