I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize