I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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