i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
