O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
