bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
