She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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