I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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