I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Four minutes until I can fart!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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