I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
