I accidentally had phone sex last night
I could make wine with my vomit
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
