I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize