I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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