Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
