Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
