Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize