Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
