I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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