just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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