I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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