At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
