Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
