remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
