You're completely useless in the revolution.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
