just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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