forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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