She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
