there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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