He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
two words: eviction party
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
