I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
