I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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