do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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