I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
