four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
