Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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