I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i've created a new STD.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize