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Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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