I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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