he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
