Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
