I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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