im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
