well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
