i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
