i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
