I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I think my fart just growled at me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
