Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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