this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
