just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize