I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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