come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize