Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
