remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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