Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
