I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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