why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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