Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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