dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
