forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
