can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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