My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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