You just made me feel so damn special
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
