nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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