He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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