my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
