I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
