please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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