also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
