it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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